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In a society where there are no longer strict demands to keep a marriage together, Toler advises couples to think of the union as a job, and to do the work required to make it work. You have to set up rituals and routines while you are still in love and doing silly stuff that you continue throughout your marriage. My husband and I stopped having conversations at one point about how everything was going, and how we were feeling.

To illustrate her points, she uses anecdotes from “Divorce Court” and closer to home, her own marriage and those of her friends. He thought it was over here and I thought it was over there. But if you have rituals and traditions of checking in, and talking to one another, and you do silly stuff, like I have friends who have divorce parties.

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